The Importance of Letting Loose: How often do we just play?

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It seems like the universe has been trying to tell me something recently. It just started coming at me from a ton of different directions all at once: hey girl, pay attention!!

And the message was about the importance of play.

As an adult, I don’t often think about my relationship to play. Maybe like the picture above, you think of messy children’s crafts and little kiddos running around laughing. 

But just the other day, I found myself in a yoga class where the teacher was encouraging us to use Lion’s breath, which–for those who don’t know–is where you stick your tongue out and basically roar like a lion, and to roll around on the floor like a baby to “let it all out.” (Thanks to Kathryn Budig for that lovely class!) And it was seriously so freeing to be totally silly, even just for a moment.

And then I was reading a book about doulas and about the power of giving women permission to make noises, to be loud, to take up space. It was specifically about labor (because believe it or not, even in the most intense pain of giving birth, apparently women feel self-conscious about their body noises and try to hold their body’s natural reactions back), but just thinking about having that space to fully embrace our bodies and all their awkward/silly/embarrassing noises–and how powerful that can be for women who are so often told to stay quiet…. It really shook me.

And then! I finally made it to my monthly massage (do it y’all–best thing I’ve ever done for myself), and as I was relaxing into the sweet loveliness of having my body touched, I was thinking about my own journey with massage: how it’s moved from feeling totally anxiety-inducing as my brain goes crazy thinking about how I look, how my legs are hairy, how my thighs are too fleshy, and even sometimes if my masseuse is going to take advantage of me (trauma is rough y’all) to slowly becoming an experience where I can let go and just enjoy the sensations. It’s definitely an ongoing process–my anxiety still pops up sometimes--but I’ve loved how much massage gives me permission to feel bodily pleasure in exactly how my body is right now–even when my masseuse kneads my thighs like they’re giant balls of dough, which feels amazing and also cracks me up even just writing about it.

This wonderful bombardment of messages about play and pleasure got me thinking about how many of my most cherished memories revolved around me feeling absolutely comfortable giving myself into the absolute pleasure of being playful.

For example, one of the first get-togethers my current friend group had when we were just getting established (side note: making adult friends is HARD y’all!) was meeting up at one of our neighborhood playgrounds at night. We frolicked, laughed, clambered all over the place, and just played. We were silly and goofy and wholly ourselves–and despite this moment being so simple and so long ago, it’s still one of my most vivid memories.

Another example: I’ve also gotten really involved in partner dancing in my adult years. I’ve done a lot of salsa and contra and now have fallen in love with zouk. (Please just go look at that video and let it rock your world.) My favorite, most memorable dances by far are the ones in which I have felt completely seen and able to be myself, when I’ve given myself–and received from my partner–the permission to be playful, to just go with the flow, to be messy and explore the possibilities.

Or, just think about the best sex you’ve ever had. I bet that play, permission to be yourself, and pleasure were all front and center. It’s so delicious when you can fully be yourself and can completely give into your body’s sensations with another person–even all the silly, awkward parts. It can feel mind-blowing and so healing. Why don’t we have that more often? 

I think what makes play feel so good is how much it focuses on pleasure. In play, we are allowing ourselves to bring our full selves, to make mistakes and not be judged for them, to try out new things, and to really tune into what feels super super good.

As an adult, I think I get so caught up in my work–in needing to be professional at all times, in finding my worth solely in how much I produce–that play and pleasure are shut out. Lots of things in Western culture discourage us from playing and embracing pleasure: Capitalism tells us we must work and produce constantly to be worthy. Patriarchy tells women that we’re not deserving of pleasure and men that they can’t make mistakes. (Sexually assaulting someone is NOT a mistake though, just so we’re clear. For clarity, check out my previous post about restrictive gender norms.) White supremacy deems only certain types of bodies as beautiful and worthy. This means tapping into our bodies and finding chances to play and embrace pleasure can be really difficult.

For me, though, going on this journey towards self-acceptance through play and pleasure has been incredible for my mental health and overall well-being. And the universe is telling me to pay attention. It, too, tells me it’s worth it.

When was the last time you played? How do you find pleasure? 


Struggling to tap into your body? Check out this article for some ideas.